This time two years ago I returned to the reality of my life. My days of waking up in a foreign dorm and spending the day hiking Machu Picchu, snorkeling the Great Barrier Reef or losing myself in Greenwich Village were over. I had to start making the decisions that had an impact, that changed something, that mattered. Jumping on the next train, plane or automobile was no longer an option. Instead of doing these things though, I seem to have chosen avoidance…
Lately I have been feeling stagnant. Like I am stagnating. Unmoving and unchanging, letting life pass me by. I depend upon the fact that I have ‘traveled’ to make me interesting and to excuse my lack of degree or real focused career. I need to begin defining my life again before I become my own has-been.
These people around me keep getting their shit together and I bitch and moan that I am more intelligent than them, a harder worker than them, tougher than them… So why isn’t it happening to me? I am too scared to putmyself out there for fear of failure, for fear of not being as good as I believe I have the potential to be, for fear of being rejected.
I am plodding.
We admire those who try. And those who fail and try again. The ones we admire most are the ones that keep trying regardless of their countless failures and so, this is my pledge: This time next year, I will know what I want. This time next year, I will be taking steps to reach my goal. This time next year I will stop looking back, and start moving forward.
No more fear.