Why We Insist On Watching Crap TV

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Let’s be honest, we all do it. Unless you’re that one guy that refuses to own a TV and instead takes time to reflect, do yoga and feed his succulents. Apart from him, we all do it. So why has settling down in front of the box become one of the most routine parts of our daily lives? From Crimewatch to Countryfile, we’re all at it…

The Vampire Diaries

The vampires, the romance, the non-stop drama, not to mention the jam packed social calendar of the seemingly smallest town in all of the United States, I can’t remember a time a Founders Day Ball wasn’t on the agenda. The vampires, the constant suspense, the love triangle, the continuous internal battle between which brother I actually want to run away with. Did I mention the vampires?

Eastenders

Nothing makes us feel better about our own lives than watching somebody else escape death via tram whilst committing incest with their twin brother on the patio under which their dead father lies.

Made In Chelsea

Initially this feels as though it was created to invoke jealousy and bitterness towards those far more fortunate than ourselves. But 6 seasons deep, we realise that this way we get to watch their ridiculously overpriced escapades safe in the knowledge that our boyfriends are on the toilet, not ‘innocently’ sharing a bed with 4 other women and a bottle of Bollinger in the South of France.

The News

Part of adulting means watching the news at least once a week. The first 5 minutes and then The Daily Mail still counts…

Robot Wars

Providing suspense, drama, violence, mounting sexual tension between Matilda and Sir Bashalot. This is The Vampire Diaries carefully disguised by the occasional mention of mechanics making it acceptable to the modern man.

Never Mind The Buzzcocks

A bottle of Merlot into a Friday night, Mock the Week is twice as funny and just long enough to pass out to on the sofa.

Scooby-Doo

For those who wake up far too early on a Saturday morning and need some light entertainment whilst eating their cheerios. And for those not quite ready to adult.

Louis Theroux

We all want to get into the mind of a serial killer, experience a Miami mega jail, fight the drugs war in Mexico and attend a swingers party… But not first hand. God no, we want to watch someone else do it and then repeat their experiences verbatim the next day at work.

Location, Location, Location

Just in case you were thinking about finally moving out of your ridiculously overpriced rented accommodation, Kirsty and Phil are here to remind you to get back in your box. Because even if somebody is stupid enough to give you a mortgage, it would cover approximately 5 square feet of moss ridden basement space with a family of raccoons.

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Whatever your reasons, we all do it. And it’s okay. Whether it’s drama or reality, news or documentary, we all need an escape, an outlet after a long day to plug in and unwind, get out of our heads for an hour and leave the day and our neurosis behind.

Anyway, First Dates is on…

 

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