Genuine Concerns of a Late Twenty-Something.

#1, HAVING CHILDREN

Babies don’t really like me, I don’t know how to act around infants, the handshake followed by an obligatory “How’d you do?” goes down like a lead balloon. Will my own baby like me? Will I like it? I just called my future child ‘it’. FML.

What if I can’t even get pregnant? Us ladies are leaving it later and later in life, what if I’ve dried up? My eggs are spent? Could I do an Angelina?

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#2, BOTOX

How young is too young and how old is too late? My frown lines are getting deeper with each idiot I have to communicate with, which FYI, seems to be on an almost hourly basis.

Do I even believe in cosmetic surgery? I still want to grow old gracefully… Just with a miraculously smooth forehead and high arches.

#3, BUYING A HOUSE

As soon as my savings account reaches a respectable figure I go AWOL and buy an overpriced rug that I absolutely do not need. Unless I stumble upon a pot of gold or find myself victim of an accidental £1,000,000 transfer, it is unlikely many banks are going to fund my house buying fancies.

#4, MARRIAGE

Will Boyfriend ever be romantic/foolish enough to pop the question or will I be plagued by a life of great aunties asking me when I’m finally going to settle down? Will I even be able to afford a wedding? Will my flower crown be as bohemian chic as the girls on Pinterest? Should I start collecting Mason Jars now? Maybe we should just save ourselves the ridiculously overpriced charade and elope…. Maybe I should go bold and marry myself?

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#5, GREY HAIR

Something tells me that my silver strands are not the envy of trendy twenty-somethings ‘favouriting’ the faux blue rinse on Instagram.

#6, WORK

When will I not hate my job? Is this even a thing?!

#7, HOW MUCH LONGER CAN I GET AWAY WITH WATCHING SHIT TV?

Can I really still get away with watching TOWIE or Awkward in my thirties? What if I just don’t tell anyone? Probably, definitely, absolutely need to stop watching Homeware Hauls on YouTube though.

#8, POLITICS

Do I know enough? Should I know more? Do people my age read newspapers? Should I be subscribed to something a little more highbrow than the ‘My Dad Wrote a Porno’ podcast? But it’s so funny…

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#9, CAFFEINE 

Am I drinking too much coffee? This post leads me to believe the answer to this question is DEAR GOD YES.

#10, HOUSEWORK

I need to set my heating to automatic to avoid damp. Should I also keep a window open? Definitely no washing on radiators though. Is this week recycling and bins or just recycling? Did I turn the slower cooker on this morning? Did I turn the landing light off? Did I EVEN lock the door?!

 

Oh how I long for the days of getting pissed on cheap gin and forgetting my own address.

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10 thoughts on “Genuine Concerns of a Late Twenty-Something.

  1. annacjmackenzie says:

    Love your style of writing, really funny! I’m nearly 23 and already identifying with many of these (especially just the last statement, replacing gin with lambrini). Good to know that it just gets better from here…haha. Also, I LOVE ‘My Dad Wrote a Porno’, Alice Levine keeps me sane.

  2. calmreality says:

    I’m 24, and definitely identify with everything on this list! Especially the work thing – I’m hoping that working full time becomes less miserable as the years go by, but I’m not so sure. Great post, like your writing style. x

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