8 Stages of the New Years Day Hangover.

If, like myself, you indulged in bottomless prosecco related activities this New Years Eve, you will understand this cycle all too well.

#1, The Headache

You wake up checking that your face is still attached. Where are you? How did you get here? Yes, you still have your make-up on, you disgusting cretin. Then the pounding starts, undulating, your brain screaming at you, “WHY?!”. You scurry until you locate and neck two paracetamol (sometimes a third for luck).

#2, Excruciating Thirst

Water is your friend, must drink all the liquids within reach.

*Accidentally swigs last nights G&T*

#3, Puke City

You’ve just undone all of the good managed in previous points 1 and 2.

#4, Exhaustion

All of this exertion has wiped you out, the only solution is to nap, you’ve earned it.

#5, Hunger

Awaking several hours later, you feel partially human once again. Not human enough to wash or remove your pyjama bottoms that have been fashionably paired with last nights top, but enough to forage. You hobble to the fridge, bent over, not quite ready to fully extend, and rummage for whatever takes your fancy. If you are anything like me, a few picnic eggs and some leftover pizza should suffice for now.

#6, Puke City round 2

You weren’t ready – revert back to stage #4.

#7, Back to Hunger

After another couple of hours snoozing and watching mind numbing TV (my suggestions include Grease Live, Monte Carlo or anything starring Hilary Duff), you are ready, you know you are ready. You pick up your phone and head to the Just Eat app, where you proceed to order a Chinese meal for 4.

The key thing to remember here is that even if you aren’t fully confident in your readiness to binge eat, you will inevitably have to wait an hour for it to arrive, by which point you will be congratulating your own forward thinking.

#8, Regret & Self-Loathing

You’ve devoured all that you can, which isn’t as much as you’d have liked. It’s dark out, you’ve started to smell yourself, it’s time to wash. You head to the bathroom and catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. You’ve gone from being an absolute bombshell the night before to a shell of your former self, your hair is matted with sweet and sour sauce, the remnants of prawn crackers sit in your cleavage, your feet are black and you have the outline of your favourite throw cushion etched into your face.

You disgust yourself.

You’re never drinking again.

Or you’re at least doing dry January.

Although, they do say the hair of the dog is the best hangover cure…

*Goes back to fridge*


6 thoughts on “8 Stages of the New Years Day Hangover.

  1. Asna says:

    I honestly don’t remember my first day in 2017 all that well, the constant “wake up-puke-hydrate-sleep-repeat”, totally relatable.

    Happy new year! 🙂

  2. bloominglaura says:

    Yep, I can relate to this. The NYD hangover hit me like a truck – particular as I haven’t really been drunk since my last birthday (April 2016!!!)

    I always try to set an alarm an hour before I intend to wake up so I can take some paracetamol. That way, when you wake up “properly” the paracetamol should have already kicked in *yay*

    Also – fizzy drinks are fab for curing the sicky/empty feeling when you have a hangover. Would 100% recommend!

    Happy New Year!!

    • Lucindafer says:

      Oh, awesome advice for the paracetamol alarm! I will definitely be trying that one next time. Yeah, on a hangover is pretty much the only time I drink coke and I literally gulp the stuff down!
      Happy New Year to you, too! xx

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