Last Friday, after work, we said Bon Voyage to one of our colleagues over
two three and a half bottles of wine.
Yeah, I felt that the next morning.
Over the house red and scotch eggs (I’m a classy drunk), we shared the usual idle chit-chat, Rob’s dad makes wine, Al’s looking for a quote on some damp proofing and I clean down my kitchen counters with the same tea towel I wipe my hands on after handling raw chicken – standard.
I’ve always been of the belief that we are all as disgusting as each other, we are all just ashamed to admit it. So, here I go, this is why I am gross:
CHICKEN TEA TOWEL-GATE
In my defense, I don’t dry dishes with said tea towel and I have always been of the opinion that what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.
INNERWEAR AS OUTERWEAR
Everybody knows that vests are like hair pins, you buy them in bulk and after six months can only locate one after accidentally sucking it up with the long hoover nozzle, whilst thrashing it around blindly under the bed.
So when you find one, you hold on to it. And if that means wearing it to bed one night and then casually slipping a jumper over it for work the following day then so be it – I don’t make the rules.
As a rule, I don’t wash baking trays unless they’ve had something sticky on them.
Sometimes not even then.
I recently used the same tea bag over the course of two days.
It was the last lemon & ginger and it was raining outside….
Sometimes I sniff the water on my bedside table to determine how long it has been there.
Nine times out of ten I will drink it regardless.
I have an ever so slightly obsessive habit of cleaning my ears 2-3 times a day. Make that 4. Yes, I know that it is terribly damaging, I am promoting an increased production of ear wax, you should never insert anything smaller than your elbow, blah blah blah. But I’m still going to do it, and because I am so frequent in my ear’ole epicureanism, the cotton buds are rarely sullied, meaning they can be saved and re-used at a later date.
It’s not gross, it is environmentally friendly.
Just asked boyfriend, his response:
YOU EAT YOUR NAIL VARNISH.
YOU INGEST YOUR NAIL VARNISH.
YOU PUT A NITROCELLULOSE BASED POLYMER INTO YOUR SYSTEM.
So yeah, there’s that too, I s’pose.
I will never be one of those girls that cleans their sheets every Sunday and washes their hair every day, or every other day for that matter. Sometimes I don’t do dishes for days on end and washing can sit on my airer for upwards of two weeks. I polished recently for the first time since moving in… 18 months ago, and I always check my glasses when we have guests.
But I know it’s okay because Al wipes her chicken hands on a tea-towel, too.