Shit I Wish I Knew At School

I often find myself looking back on my years at school with nothing but joy.

I want to accost thirteen year old girls in the street and implore them to make the most of this time, for these are your wonder years.

These are the years you will play out until sundown and experiment with body glitter, you will receive valentines cards without having to face the inevitable “I only see you as a friend” chat. You will choreograph dance routines to 5ive in your bedroom and drink George’s mum’s cooking brandy, throw up on yourself and still wake up miraculously hangover free… hypothetically speaking of course.

I look back longingly, and then I remember… That shit was hard.

It took 4 years for our girl posse to fully form, before which I would dread the bell for fear that I wouldn’t locate a friendly face during the mid-morning break, and instead would have to resort to a long wee and an extremely early arrival to third period.

There are many things I wish I’d done differently, things I wish I’d known and times I wish I would’ve just shut the f#!* up… These are but a few of them:

#1, Stop using sarcasm as a defence mechanism – people don’t get it and just think you’re being a bitch.


#2, No matter how much you want to look like Stacey Orrico, a scarf does not negate a coat, you live in England.


#3, You ARE NOT fat. But you will get fat, so embrace it while you can.


#4, Unfortunately the popular kids in school pretty much stay that way – sorry.


#5, You are NOT in love.


#6, Don’t let people tell you Sims isn’t cool. It is very cool and it is unlikely you will get the opportunity to play so fervently again.


#7, It’s okay to feel nervous about kissing a boy, it will happen, it will involve an egg sandwich, but it will get better.


#8, Your MSN screen name does not define you. msn.PNG

#9, Ditching mascara and listening to Alanis Morissette is not a feminist expression.


#10, I know you think you’re like, soo mature, but slow down, stop being in such a rush to grow up.


School sucked. It sucked hard. But this stuff shapes us, these people mould us, they turn us into who we want to be and prevent us from becoming those we do not. It is where we learn to love, where we discover our passions and where many of us build friendships that will last a lifetime.

Would I go back to school? Hell no. But would I change it? Not for the world.



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